HOW TO STAY POSITIVE IN A NEGATIVE ENVIRONMENT|WHAT IT TAKES
How to stay positive in a negative environment sounds like torture right? Today, I will show you how to think big. For your own good. For the sake of your future and the generation after you. The biggest favor you will ever grant yourself as an individual is SELF MASTERY. Knowing exactly who you are, why you are here, where you are going and what you want. This is a goal every single person should pursue and when achieved, life will never be the same again. I promise you.
When you know who you are and stay true to your identity, the game changes completely. You will no longer be influenced by the circumstances outside of yourself.
You will not need nobodies approval. The need to fit in will also automatically dissipate. You will enjoy being alone without feeling lonely. Challenges of life will intimidate you no more and you will become TRULY positive from within. It is very liberating to your mind when you live in such a way that you don’t owe anybody any explanations, don’t need nobodies approval and the outside circumstances don’t bother you that much either. Never out of arrogance to be clear but out of self-mastery, self-respect and integrity towards the vision you uphold. I pray that this post will inspire you to stay positive, be true to who you really are and trust the process of your journey effortlessly.
HOW TO ASK DIFFICULT QUESTIONS TO DISCOVER YOURSELF. MY JOURNEY..
Personally, I wasn’t born knowing what I now know. It took multiple tests of life through fire. Heart breaks, betrayal, struggle, failure, rejection, emotional and mental abuse and of course being used, to achieve knowledge of self.
Somehow, before these eye-opening tests, In my humble opinion, I have always had it in me. The confidence and ability to express myself fully. My parents, siblings, kindred spirits and school mates can attest to that. You can also get some inside scoop evidence here, of me Entertaining thousands in highschool. Dressed as a police and owning my madness. Don’t tell anybody by the way. However, you can have all the confidence in the world but if you don’t know who you are, it’s meaningless.
In primary school too, my fellow students voted for me (without campaigning) as their head girl they called it at the time and they together with their parents loved me. A lot. Somehow, something in me managed to charm them. So I thought I was ready for the world based on these little experiences but huge shock on me. You see, a bird in a cage doesn’t know that a forest exists. I mean, you don’t know what you don’t know until you step out of your comfort zone.
It turned out, I was not who people made me to seem and people were not who they appeared as. This led to the beginning of questioning everything and everyone including God and myself. I had ‘If’ and ‘why’ questions which I got answers to. These answers in return helped me to find out who I was. To know my strengths and weaknesses, what I want and where I am going. The questions looked like this:
If my performances and joy depends on people’s approval and acceptance, what will become of me when they fail to accept or approve of me?
Why do I place my trust and expectations on human beings who just like me back in the days, barely knew/know themselves? Isn’t that how we end up disappointed in the first place?
Why do I need to dress, talk, walk and act a certain way for the society to like me? Why not do it because I feel good?
Why was I so afraid of being alone?
Why do I spend money on something that loses meaning shortly after I get it?
Why do I answer to everybody when they need me and when I need someone to talk to, I am all by myself seeking answers at the edge of my bed (which I find) with nobodies help?
What was it about me that attracts a backstabbing person, average men, terrible jobs and selfish human beings?
Why is it that I went to the club to find happiness and forget my misery but the next day I woke up feeling worse than the day before?
Why was I even born?
Who am I really? Behind closed doors without the compliments, achievements, my dress code and everything else outside of myself?
What am I exceptionally good at and what am I terrible at?
Why should I focus mainly on waking up, going to work, coming back home,exercise, eat, sleep, repeat the process, pay some bills and continue the same thing over and over? Is this all to life?
What makes me react the way I do to horrible people? Why am I even encountering horrible people in the first place when I do my best to respect everyone?
Why do I need to stay in a situation that doesn’t enhance my growth, my soul and my mind?
Why do I take part in conversations I don’t enjoy or relate to?
Why do I meet people who need fixing and after I fix them, I realize I fixed them for somebody else? While neglecting to fix myself?
Why did I put so much effort in making others happy and forfeit my happiness?
HOW TO APPROACH THE ANSWERS YOU FIND
These among many other questions started floating in my head a few years back. I had to find the answers. Independently, with no coach or anyone shoving ideas in my head. Google, the bible and books became my best friends. I became my daily job when I was free. Constantly working on myself and monitoring my actions very closely. I was on a research and soul search project, relentlessly.
I started praying to God my questions too and made it a habit to read my bible, without considering the interpretations I had heard and misrepresentations from self-righteous people who were nowhere close to the picture they were trying to portray as Christians.
Speaking of which, I started going to church AGAIN. I was like, let me change my environment for a bit and align myself with holy thinking people. Maybe we can pray together, sing kumbaya and grow in fellowship. Lo and behold, the same speed I used running in there was the same speed I used running back out! As a matter of fact, the people who have hurt me the most are church people. Which peaked my interest even further.
I couldn’t fathom and I still can’t fathom how it is humanly possible for Christians to act the way they do. Very self-righteous, with an attitude of us versus them. As in, we are going to heaven and you are going to hell. Which actually keeps thousand of souls in the quest for truth, away from it. I mean self-righteous people have an attitude that will make you resent God based on how He is portrayed by them. I say this because, I almost became an atheist based on my experiences with church goers. However, with loyalty as my sixth sense, I decided not to write God off yet. Plus I needed some answers.
So I continued with my research and close observations. Collecting data, that led to further questions:
- Why do christians spend a lot of time judging the way other people conduct their lives when they are barely close to perfect? What happened to looking at the LOG in one’s eye before judging the speck in a neighbor’s?
- What is the point of worshiping God based on fear of going to hell or to receive a blessing? Shouldn’t we be worshipping Him for who He is and not what we can get out of Him or fear of punishment? In the good and the bad times?
- What makes a Christian audacious enough to seat in church for an entire sermon and leave, only to gossip the neighbor besides, the preacher and any other person without taking a close look at the mirror?
- Why do I have to “plant a seed” for my money to multiply? Why is the blessing on sale to begin with?
- Why are divorce rates high among Christians when God says what He has put together is inseperable and actually HATES divorce? Neither has He ever contradicted Himself or made a mistake?
- If we are acting all self-righteous, thinking that we are who we are and have what we have based on what we do, what is the point of grace? Because the doctor is usually for the sick? So if you are very holy than everyone that means you don’t need grace?
- Why preach humility but slander on the side? I think it takes a lot of pride and arrogance to open your mouth and point a finger at anyone as if you were any better? Didn’t Jesus say He didn’t come to abolish the law but to fulfill it? By fulfilment meaning that we were born in sin, live in sin, can’t keep the law and we surely do need grace and don’t qualify to point a finger?
- Why do we have to practice “Celibacy” not out of respect to God’s temple but so we can get a perfect mate? Is there meaning enough, to do something to get something out of it?
- What makes a christian audacious enough to say “God is on my side” when it needs to be the other way round? To be on God’s side because He is always right?
- Do christians really understand that God is in all things and everyone maybe thats why emphasis was put in loving God with all that we are then secondly our neighbor like ourselves? How can a Christian claim to love God but at the same time lack compassion towards someone that is having a slow process in growth hence the reason why they make mistakes?
- Shouldn’t mistakes in fact be a good sign that someone is trying something new and maybe will learn later supposing they don’t get it right the first time?
- If it’s stated “Christ the HOPE of salvation”, where do these self righteous Christians get the audacity to think they’re going to heaven and everyone else to hell?
- What gives a fake prophet and preacher the courage to stand on a pulpit and use people’s vulnerability and life struggles to their advantage in the name of God?
I found my answers but not through the church goers. Who I ran away from as fast as my legs could carry me.
I refused and still refuse to this date, to be trapped in religion, philosophies and misinterpreted doctrines. He who the Son has set free is free IN-DEED. So I had to gather my courage and pursue the answers to my questions by myself. The journey was very hard. I will not lie to you. I cannot even count the number of times I was frustrated, crying myself to sleep. Actually at some point, I even insulted God. Making it the only mistake In my life that I regret.
Thankfully, He forgives us in advance before we take ourselves to confession sessions. I hate those moments so much because it feels like I break the most loving heart but also I love them because, they are the very moments that made me realize, I can’t accomplish much without grace and neither can I keep up with the law!!
That’s how by the way, I emancipated myself from religion, religious people and religious churches-best tenets for mind slavery and life bondage.
It’s also why I will never again judge someone that makes a mistake harshly. That mistake I am judging could very well be God at work and so rather than judging the person, I am actually judging God and perhaps thats why He hates human judgement. In fact maybe thats why judgement is accustomed only to one man: Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Also, it takes a lot of ignorance to fail to understand whatever comes out of your mouth wether it’s good or bad affects YOU and not the people we try to condemn!
HOW TO STAY FOCUSED ON YOUR SELF DISCOVERY JOURNEY
Now we are on to my next point. On one side I was intensively researching the bible and on the other side I was paying attention to philosophies too. The most popular there is out there is the law of attraction. It is true it exists and I have the power to make life to be what I want
but… I had some more questions!
- What is the point of attracting something that I think I want only to get it and realize its not what I need?
- Why should I be so caught up in communicating to the universe as the supplier when I have the privilege to communicate to the source? Who by the way, gives better guidance on how to make the universe work for me? Rather than me working for it?
- What is the point of attracting all the money, people and accolades but still be very empty in my soul?
- Do I have the mental fitness, character, tools and facilities to sustain that which I am trying to attract?
I mean are we not seeing people with high social status’ having all the money, experience, property, fame and anything you can imagine that still end up committing suicide because probably like me, they couldn’t find what was missing by virtue of looking for answers in the wrong places and from judgmental people?
Shortly after I realised, the law of attraction is good but not good enough. There was still a gap. I mean, the classic example of the law of attraction is when people try to attract a partner and you get him/her but he/she is far from being a life partner or what you expected and you don’t know what to do from there? and if you don’t know yourself, you will sell yourself short and wallow in an empty relationship. That’s what wants do to people compared to needs. What you think you want is not necessarily what you need.
This uphill battle revealed to me that I had a long way to go and so much more to learn. I still do. I didn’t know who I was. No wonder the things mentioned above frustrated me like they did.
INSPIRED ACTION AFTER INTENSE RESEARCH OF SELF AND THE ENVIRONMENT
So I woke up one day and became sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was time to change everything. With the little I had gathered. By the way, the deeper I studied the bible the more I realized my worth and no one can compliment better than God does. I also discovered God resides in every individual’s heart including the one you think is going to hell. I stopped looking for answers outside of myself.
The quality of people around me improved tremendously. Although every once in a while I encounter unique beings. The things that used to excite me don’t anymore. My vision got clearer. Even though I still have some weaknesses my habits got better.
I discovered that, the circumstances that I experience outside of myself, 10% reflects the health of my soul and 90% of the rest, is to build my character and help me grow.
I stopped feeling the need to seek for approval from ANYONE and neither did I anticipate recognition. When I meet people to date, I am constantly observing closely what there is to learn and what I need to improve on myself. Self-growth. I began to enjoy my company so much that I didn’t feel the need to waste time with the wrong people or participate in friendships with no substance. Moreover, I stopped expecting anything from humans. By principle, I simply love them, learn from them or have nothing to do with them-if they are toxic.
When I was sad, I fearlessly embraced the feeling and so was when I was happy. I didn’t feel like I have to pretend and fake a funk. Fast forward to today, I look back at all the punches life threw at me and I laugh at myself for allowing them to consume me like they did. These punches made a woman out of a girl. I am so grateful for the punches.
Until now, the world could be crashing down outside but I will be so calm probably drinking my matcha tea. If you don’t know what that is or you do and don’t know how to take it, read here Matcha tea benefits and how to take it
I mastered the art of allowing. Jesus put it as follows:
- Turn the other cheek
- When someone asks you to go one mile, go two miles
- When someone asks for your shirt, give him your coat too
- Bless those who curse you
- Forgive others
- Love God with all your mind, heart and soul then your neighbor as your self
- Pray for those who persecute you
Not resisting and allowing things to unfold. Shortly after you realize it works for your own good.
Life became easier even amidst challenges and everyday, my responsibility is to monitor my growth process, improve on my weaknesess and actions towards others and everything. Mindfulness.
Now you have seen my struggles that led to me mastering myself. I wanted to discuss this in detail because positivity is not enough! Neither is confidence. Both of these things are good but mastering YOU is everything. The negative environment will always exist. The chief concern for you is to know how to surf through the waves. A good surfer will tell you, when the wave goes high, you go deeper. Meaning the harder life becomes the more inclined you should be towards the pursuit of knowledge of self.
In fact, your mind, body and soul HAVE TO BE EXCELLENTLY ALIGNED for you to have positive feedback from the universe. Alignment means becoming one with God through Love. The law of attraction guys call this “source energy” hehe!
If you focus on body: lets say your beauty, hair,style, shoes, fitness… you have to put the same effort towards your mind.
What are you reading?
Who are your friends?
What are you watching?
listening to on your playlist?
What are you thinking of yourself and others?
Are you eating the right foods to nourish your brain?
Can you quiet your mind at least for an hour?
Is your mind all over the place?
Are you doing what you love and loving what you do?
What kind of conversations do you have on your phone?
Do you have faith and trust the process of your journey?
How do you train your faith muscle?
Do you spare sometime out to be in gratitude without asking for anything? I mean pray?
Are you aware of your soul’s status update?
Are you happy for people when they progress?
If you’re in a relationship, how is it enhancing your soul and mind?
Do you appreciate special personalities, talents and gifts or do you get intimidated and try to surpress them?
Do you love others truly or are you as good as the self righteous people that have self employed themselves to play judge?
Self asses yourelf daily and be brutally honest with yourself. Don’t be afraid to call yourself out of your own nonsense. I do it all the time but also be kind to yourself.
Remember life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon!! Your growth process has to be very well balanced and you have to be so busy at it, that you don’t have time for negativty, time wasters, users, be misled or defined by anyone!
NOW THAT YOU KNOW YOURSELF, HERE ARE 5 TIPS FINALLY, TO STAY POSITVE IN A NEGATIVE ENVIRONMENT
1.Be mindful of the importance of making ALL your relationships divine.
Divinity by the way has nothing to do with religion. So does God and Jesus. Thank you very much. A divine RELATIONSHIP usually focuses on revealing the true spirit of everyone. After all, we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. So for example if you’re in a relationship with your partner, want for him what you would want for yourself. If your desire is to be free,healed,true joy or whatever, want it more for others. The more you have a divine approach towards your relationships the more you match with God.
2.When a question that challenges your moral and ethical value arises, and it provokes your potential reaction to others, quietly ask yourself, what would Jesus do?
This returns you back to God who is love. Short story, I used to be a monster when I heard that my name was floating around a human beings mouth and I would approach them head on. To attack and destroy but nowadays, I don’t care much what people think. I care about the energy in me and what I put out to the world. The rest I leave to God.
3.Keep track of the judgments you direct toward yourself and others.
You have to decide from today by principle, to shift to compassionate thoughts and feelings. Offer silent prayers and blessings to the people that mistreat you and even those suffering. You will realize that when you think compassionately your health and your life in general improves. Be compassionate towards everyone you meet and humanity at large. The people that mistreat others and go around breaking hearts and using people, suffer from great insecurity and need the most love. Just so you know.
4.Whatever others want, want it for them so genuinely that you release positive energy outwards and act from a spiritual consciousness point of view.
Feel what would make others feel good about themselves. Then send those positive vibes especially when you are around them. You don’t have to verbalize it. You can do it quietly like a prayer. Usually thats how I do it especially to the “enemies” of progress.
5.Be aware at all times that your energy, how you think and feel actually affects the world at large. Whether you believe it or not. You have the power in that beautiful mind to counterbalance negativity of upto millions of people.
Be on a level of creativity, kindness, love, beauty, expansion, abundance and receptivity to everyone and everything without judgement-Like the self righteous folks. These inner attitudes in return will catapult you to a level where your presence is appreciated and you can be able to influence humanity positively.
A wise man once said “the deeper the self realization of man, the more he can influence the entire universe through his subtle spiritual energy, and the less he himself is affected by the phenomenal flux”.
Before I conclude I would like to say thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for reading this far. I hope some of my inner struggles illustrated above can inspire you if you don’t know yourself yet. I also hope I made sense and I hope you never give up on soul searching. Also when it comes to God, with the way people and the church is set up today, seek Him by yourself. Somewhere in your lost-ness you will experience Him and when you get to know Him, you will know yourself EXCELLENTLY.
PS: You don’t need to be perfect. The most beautiful part of you will be formed through your mistakes, pain, tears, struggles or whatever it is you are dealing with.
This platform is actually not for the self righteous people or people that are full of tomfooleries! This is a platform that stands for inner growth, wisdom, owning your weaknesess and imperfections, staying true to you and without the fear of judgement-from people who need to shut their mouths to begin with. This is a place where we discuss the processes of growth and do it in style, joy,togetherness, fiercely and fabulosly. Life is too short to fake perfection or entertain nonsense for that matter.
“Be the change you wish to see in the world”!
Otherwise, have you dealt with any struggles when trying to find yourself? What was it like? Leave a comment below on what you think or how you feel about this post.
Meanwhile, see you in my next post and I wish you a phenomenal start to your week.
Oh before I forget, you can read my previous article here: My Top 5 Netflix Series 2018
Catch you later in my next post.